Google still on course for World Domination

Yes, Google is nicking another bit of everyone's business by giving away free web pages folks can build themselves. It's so easy my dad could do it*

Apparently, you can't build a whole site yet, you have to make do with creating individual pages and linking them together. Or creating a website as most of us call it.

Of course, the Google Page Creator service stopped accepting sign-ups about six hours after the mobs descended. How do you get around this? Why not do what I did. Pitch a feature on it to a computer magazine, get the attention of Google's PR for more than 10 seconds (that's the tricky bit) and Robert's a member of the family by marriage to your mum's sister.

So there's now one more place you can find me online. And since Google won't be giving its own pages any boost in the search ratings, it's probably best if I do another link to Matt Chapman.



*with only four or five phone calls saying "I clicked on that bit of text that says 'Click here to enter your main page's content'. What do I do now?"

TV / POKER: The Apprentice, American Idol and Poker in the Pub

What a weekend! I travelled back to Stoke to see mum – first chance I’ve had since she got quite a serious illness, so it was great to see her looking and sounding so well. There’s still some way to go before she looks completely OK, but she’s coping with it extremely well.

Unfortunately, I didn’t make it back in time for the footy as Stoke were playing Millwall at the Brit. I went to this game in London and sat with the Millwall fans [permalink back] and their side hasn’t improved since then. We were 2-1 winners on Saturday, keeping them rooted firmly in those relegation spots. That’s one team most other fans won’t shed a tear to lose from the division.

What kept me at home until 1pm on Saturday was some freelance work. Most people think having to do freelance work during what is traditionally a day off makes it a rotten job. But I’m writing this blog post on Monday afternoon as I speed back into London. Finishing today’s work at the weekend meant I was free to come home today rather than wedging myself into those awful packed Sunday night trains. Trust me, it’s worth a few hours of your time at the weekend to skip that nightmare. As it is, I’m on a midday direct train – something you don’t get on the Sunday night service that stops at any two-horse town with a station.

As well as seeing mum I also visited both my brothers to see how their kids are doing. My nieces are both starting to speak and are going to be a lot of fun. I wish I could get back more often as you really notice the difference a few months makes. I forgot my camera this time so no video footage. But then I still haven’t done anything with the footage I’ve already got. That’s one thing that needs sorting.

The weekend also provided plenty of opportunity to watch the telly. My family home is unashamedly a lowest common denominator house so I witnessed my first ever episodes of both The Apprentice and American Idol. [links to both] I can see the appeal of The Apprentice. The diverse bunch of people all climbing over each other to land a top job is engaging viewing. However, the Idol shows lose their appeal for me when they get past the appallingly awful people in the early auditions. Now you’re stuck with the same group every week doing their best karaoke impressions. Let’s face it, if that 16-year-old girl who sounds like a 30-year-old career singer doesn’t win there’s something wrong with the world. But I couldn’t invest months of regular viewing to see if justice is done.

Sunday brought an old delight and a new bonus. It was Carling Cup Final day, so it was off to the pub for some Sunday scoops. Wigan were chasing a cup win to crown a brilliant season and Man Utd were chasing exactly the same to give their fans a bit of much-needed silverware in an otherwise unremarkable season. What I hadn’t expected was a chance to indulge my poker obsession. But naturally the craze has reached a bunch of people who already keep the bookie across the road well fed with all their gambling. And at a £5 a game – winner takes everything except the £5 that second place gets back – how can you complain! If I could find a regular £5 buy-in game in London I’d play every week.

The game boasted some very different levels of play, not to mention some interesting Stoke pub rules. For instance, they can only get eight people around the first table, so unless you have enough to open another table they “Jack out”. Everyone bungs a quid on the table and a card is dealt to each coin. If your coin gets a dealt a Jack, you’re out and have lost £1. That helps build the kitty right off the bat. If there are more than 12 people who want to play they do “Ace or King in”. Cards are similarly dealt to each coin and anyone getting an Ace or a King gets a seat. Much to my delight my brother Simon and I pulled a seat in the first two games. All eight players pay their £5 fee, so first prize was £48.

As for the other interesting rules, they allow a re-raise of any amount. In most games you have to re-raise at least as much as the first raise. But in this game I could bet 200 and another player could make it 250 rather than having to bet at least 400. Very odd. And they burn a card before the deal. Not just before they deal the flop, the turn or the river, as your average casino would do. But they also burn one before they deal everyone's hands. Even though no-one could tell me why they did this and they all thought it was a stupid rule, we had to burn one every time before dealing.

I don’t like playing when I’ve had a few too many beers but luckily the game kicked off at the same time as the footy, so there wasn’t too much drinking time beforehand. Also, I had a rubbish view of the TV when we first went in but my seat at the poker table was right in front of it. Result! To start off I played my usual game, which was a mistake against a table with so many amateur players. They were happy to call big representations with middle pair and one hand I bluffed really hard cost me everything but 160 chips! He was calling with a pair of nines – top pair on the flop, but not when I bet the turn (King) and river (Jack). I think they were amused to see the London boy doing so badly and discussed my play like I was an idiot. I’m not sure they understood that I was bluffing, not betting my hand like it was any good! Luckily, I was dealt a pair of Aces next hand and trebled up. I then doubled that with a blind stealing raise with A9 suited – that was called by A5 off-suit. We both made three Aces on the flop so it would have gone in at that point anyway.

To cut a fairly long story short I came back to win. Not bad from 160 chips and I think the boys from 7-2offsuit [add link] would have been proud. One pub rule I did really like was that the blind goes up when a player goes out. This helped stop me making too many stupid moves when I did get back into that first game. The blinds stopped at five and 10 for an awful long time and I was able to sit back and see exactly how people were playing.

Better still, I won the second game too! I played much better in this one and was chip leader throughout most of the game. All I had to do was bet my hands and watch for some really obvious bluffs. It didn’t take long. Those players will all get better, but until they do I wish I could play here every week. I played a third game and even though the drink had flowed fairly freely by then, I was only knocked out by going all-in with two pair and getting called by a chaser who made his flush on the river. I got my money in with the best hand and I was happy to go home then.

Overall, it was quite a profitable day. We spent the whole afternoon in the pub and had quite a few rounds of drinks (although it is only £1.90 a pint in Stoke). I also threw a bit of cash Simon’s way for introducing me to the game and letting me play. I’d walked into the pub with £50 and the change in my pocket and I walked out with £83. When you consider that my train ticket to Stoke was £47 it almost paid for my whole weekend.

Maybe I won’t wait for my nieces to grow too much more before I head back to Stoke :)

Is this the best job advert ever?

Posted in today's Gorkana alert:

Vertigo Films / MTV Films Europe / Pathe Pictures
Dirty Sanchez: The Movie, freelance film reviewer

Pathe Pictures, MTV Films Europe and Vertigo Films are about to start production for Dirty Sanchez: The Movie, adapted from the MTV UK series of the same name. They are looking for a freelance journalist with knowledge of the TV series Dirty Sanchez and good contacts in the tabloids (The Sun, Daily Mirror, Daily Star) and men's magazines (especially FHM, Loaded, Maxim) to go on the movie set, write up a set report and, if they're strong enough, appear in a stunt with the Dirty Sanchez stars. The set visit would be in the Dominican Republic from the 3rd to 6th March 2006.

Interested journalists should contact Wahida Begum at Vertigo films on +44 (0)20 7428 7555 or +44 (0)7808 570 848.

POKER: UltimateBet Poker Challenge

Poker player and commentator John Vorhaus provides an excellent write-up for what sounds like a great game. But like he says, don't back his tips!


TABLE OF CHAMPIONS -- DON'T BET LIKE I BET!

As you probably know, last weekend saw the Table of Champions playoff for the second season of the UltimateBet Poker Challenge. As you further know, I continued my role as color commentator/enthusiastic cheerleader for the goings-on. What you probably don't know is I also continued my unblemished streak of picking the winner to lose, and the loser to win. Trust me, campers, if you're ever in this tournament, don't catch my eye. Because if I like your chances to win, YOU WILL LOSE!

Just ask Shawn Rice. Just ask any of them. Throughout the entire season, I have shown an unfailing knack for getting it wrong.

Well, this week, I didn't just get it wrong, I got it spectacularly wrong. See, I figured that Tom McPherson, as our internet qualifier, just didn't have a chance. Granted, he bested a field of 2700 to be there, but unlike the others at the table, he hadn't played on television before and he wasn't familiar with the tournament's super fast structure. I figured he'd play tight, get short stacked, then blinded off, and that would be that. I even went so far as to say, (anti)prophetically, "The biggest longshot Louie at Pimlico wouldn't put a fin on this kid's fate tonight."

So what did he do?

He won.

He crushed.

Granted he caught some luck along the way (but nobody wins these things without luck). But he played great generally and finished strong, knocking out both P.J. Nerozzi and Bob Quann on the last hand. Then he got the big check. You know the big check? It's that presentation check that looks so impressive on TV. Annie Duke gave it to him. I'm not sure which is better, getting the big check or getting it from Annie.

No, yeah, probably getting the big check is better. To the tune of $200,000 better.

By the way, it was great to have Annie around to call the action with Mike Goldberg and me. She really classes up a broadcast booth, let me tell you. And I'm no fool. At one point, Goldy asked me how I'd play a certain player's holding (pocket threes, I think it was.) In an unguarded moment, I blurted, "I'd let Annie play them."

Wouldn't that be sweet? To have Annie Duke as your proxy player.

Be that as it may, season two is history. Looking back on the six weeks of competition I have to tell you how fricking impressed I was with the quality of the field. There was a lot of excellent poker and surprisingly few dondo moves. Nor should we be surprised: Ultimatebet players bring it when they come.

And now... season three. It all starts immediately; why, even as we speak, qualifying tournaments are going on. So what are you waiting for? Jump online now and go for a piece of $250,000. Who knows? By this time next week, you could be ten grand richer, and by some time next month, you could be collecting the big check. Just hope and pray that I pick you to lose.

Because then you'll take it for sure.

-jv

POKER: The Jester Speaks

I never know if anyone's reading my ramblings, or if Google is bothering to pick them up. So it was great to get an email from someone off of the telly!

Lee's having a freeroll tourney today so pop along if you can make it. Check out his site below for more info. Take it away Jester:


"Hello

I was doing a bit of searching for an interview with Phil Helmuth earlier (cos he mentiones me...cool) and I found your site.
Thanks for the kind comments about me. I was on the poker show ultimatepoker.com showdown as The Jester (Lee Civico-Cambell). Anyway, it was good to read something positive. Check out my blogspot www.manfishcake.blogspot.com, which is to compliment a film I've just finished based on the character The Jester from the show (The show was real but my mockumentary isn't).

Anyhow I'm rambling now, I just wanted to say cheers, and invite you to a freeroll I have set up this weekend on Saturday night. It is called "Roll the Jester" on absolute poker. I will be playing in character and abusing people etc. check out the banner on the blog for more details.

Take care
Lee Civico-Cambell"

MUSIC: Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not by the Artic Monkeys

You can't switch on the radio or TV at the moment without seeing new indie sensation the Arctic Monkeys, so I thought I'd give their album a go.

My first impression after a listen through? Two good songs and why all the hype? I really like Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor and Mardy Bum. There's something about the singer's voice that works extremely well in the first of those. However, that Sheffield twang seems off in a lot of the other offerings on the album.

I told one of my friends this and she was outraged - The Arctic Monkeys are her new fave band. She says she tried to get tickets to their gig but they sold out in five minutes!

Once back in the office she sent me a quote from Jade Goody's next column in Now Magazine.

"Further to our conversation earlier, can I just share this gem from Jade 'She's gobby, but she's a Goody' (yes, that really is the strapline) in her column this
week:
'I'm lovin' Arctic Monkeys! Their CD is brilliant and I was well impressed. Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em.'
Perhaps you were right about them after all..."


I have to admit there are some pretty good lyrics that reach out to a modern audience dotted through the tracks. They're not quite Goldie Looking Chain chav-funny, but there are some poignant modern day references thrown in.

So what's the verdict? Right now, it's too early to tell. Some of the albums I hated at first grew on me to become my favourites. I'll probably start liking them just as the phrase "Artic who?" comes into fashion.

Buy Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not by the Artic Monkeys at Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com

INTERVIEW: Steamboy and Akira's Katsuhiro Otomo

There are some people who are impossible to interview. I thought Katsuhiro Otomo was going to be one of them, because his English is non-existent and my Japanese doesn't even stretch to ordering a beer. "Don't worry," the PR guy says. "You send over a list of questions, we'll get them translated and answered and then translate the answers back for you."

It all sounded so easy. Here are Otomo's thoughts on the big questions affecting his work and animation in general:

1. How do you think animation has improved since you began working with it?
A. I do not know. It is not because of me.

2. Which parts of the animation process do you enjoy the most?
A. The planning stage.

3. Are there any European animators whose work you enjoy?
A. All of them are wonderful and there are many works that stimulate the senses.

4. Do you feel that CGI animation will ever completely replace hand painted animation?
A. I think this area will remain as it is.

5. [I've missed out question number 5 because Otomo wrote 116 words for that one. Yes, that's right, there's one answer we can actually use in the magazine!]

6. Do you enjoy using the DVD format, with its space for extras and commentaries?
A. Well, it is definitely interesting to watch but please do not ask me to take an acting role in those.

7. How involved are you with the long-touted live-action Akira movie? And what is its current status?
A. I would like to know too.

8. What’s up next for you?
A. We have a couple of plans to produce live action films or animations, but I guess we are not ready to announce them as yet.


I thought it was going to be impossible to interview Katsuhiro Otomo, and it was. I just hope the translator was charging a flat fee. If he was getting paid by the word he got stiffed big time.

Egg-strordinary

The fathers' rights campaigner who smashed an egg on education secretary Ruth Kelly's head appeared in court yesterday.

According to the Metro the charge he faces is "common assault with beating." I'm not making this up!

FILM: Hard Candy

Fourteen-year-old Hayley (Ellen Page) meets up with 32-year-old fashion photographer Jeff (Patrick Wilson) after chatting to him for a couple of weeks on the internet. When they wind up back at his place things take a nasty turn...


Early on in this film you're likely to sit there feeling all smug, safe in the knowledge that you can see exactly what is coming. A slightly over-long glimpse at the "Wanted" poster in the coffee shop only adds to that feeling. When Jeff starts a charm offensive that makes Wolf Creek's Mad Mick Taylor look like a social retard you start to sink your toes into the reassuring fur rug under your feet.

It's right about then the script pulls that rug from under you and sends you sprawling on your arse. Suddenly things aren't so clear cut and the question of who's grooming who hangs in the air. What follows is an excruciatingly tense psychological thriller that swings between the two main characters. The two-handed performance is helped by a wonderful script that oozes black humour.

For her part, Hayley proves to be one of the strongest female characters ever seen on screen, despite only being 14. However, although she is initially painted as the goodie and Jeff is dubbed the baddie, their journey takes a difficult course that questions if the lines aren't more blurred than that. There's certainly a point where you wonder how far she is willing to go and what your reaction will be if she crosses that line.

And when we reach the edge of that line there are some extremely uncomfortable scenes in Hard Candy. These are made all the more chilling by Hayley's calm nature as she carries out her actions. Some especially foul sound effects also help push the feeling of unease higher. One scene in particular (you'll know exactly which one when you reach it!) had some people getting up and leaving the screening I was in. I've seen people leave a bad movie before - Gus Van Sant's Last Days managed to empty half a small cinema before it was even 40 minutes in - but I've never seen people walk out of a film like this.

You should come out of Hard Candy asking yourself all kinds of questions: from whether society and the media's use of teen sexuality goes too far, to how you would punish pedophiles and murderers. I guarantee you won't come out of it thinking this was just another human drama.

Overall, this is almost too harsh to sit through in places, but wonderful performances by the two leads and an un-Hollywood attitude to stick to its guns and not sell out make this a powerful film.

Hard Candy is released in cinemas in April 2006 in the US and in June 2006 in the UK

POKER / TV: A chip and a cheer

I've already had some of my 15 minutes of fame playing poker on TV, where I got accused of being a Trekkie and lost lots of cash. Still, it was good fun.

I won't be taking up the latest TV challenge to come my way, though. I'm worse at doing clever tricks with poker chips than I am at playing poker. Glib people would say that's pretty bad.

Should anyone else like a go, the company making it is Agile Films and it will be shown on Challenge TV. They're based in London at 28 - 30 Coronet Street and you can find out more by speaking to Yemisi on 020 7689 2373.

Me, I'll be watching Star Trek.

I don't know...

...if this is real or not.

But either way it's still funny :)

Less than sweet smell of success

They say you should never meet your heroes - it will only disappoint you.

If you needed proof of that, check out Gary Jones' blog on Gateworld.net. You'll never look at onscreen legend Nick Nolte in the same way again.

Footballing clerical error

Forget Rio Ferdinand getting the dates of his drugs test mixed up or the extra zero that was surely added to Sven's contract by mistake, I've uncovered another footballing howler.

On checking the list of the last 16 football teams in the FA Cup, Stoke City are still there. In the fourth round proper.

I'll be firing off a disturbed letter in the morning to sort out this administrative error once and for all. Everyone knows Stoke only make it to the third round because that's when the top two divisions are added into the mix!

Freelance Update - Matt Chapman

Yes, I'm now starring in the latest Gorkana media update. Autographs will be available later.

There's something so final about receiving an email that tells people I'm looking for freelance work. It's like I'm really leaving Titan. [Stifles massive cheer]


Gorkana Consumer Alert: Wednesday 8th February 2006
Want to update PRs on the latest changes to your team? Need products for review, case studies for features or competition prizes? Gorkana can help you reach the PR industry to get the information you need for FREE. Please contact consumer@gorkana.com.

In today's Gorkana consumer alert:

Hair
Grand Designs
Mother & Baby
The Scotsman
Freelance Update - Matt Chapman

Freelance Update - Matt Chapman
Matt Chapman is leaving Dreamwatch magazine where he was Deputy Editor in charge of reviews. He'll be full-time freelance from 17th February and is currently gathering commissions. Matt now specialises in writing features and reviews in the entertainment and technology/internet sectors, but also has extensive experience as a senior sub-editor and is available for subbing shifts. Contact: [removed]

Gorkana

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T: +44 (0) 20 7074 1230 | F: +44 (0) 20 7074 1201 |

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TV: Superbowl XL

Superbowl scribblings

The build up to Superbowl XL in Detroit focussed on one player overall - Jerome Bettis. Jerome may play for Pittsburgh, but he is a Detroit boy. Better yet he's in the last year of his career, and has made it to the Superbowl for the first time in 13 years of trying. I lost count of the number of times different commentators and interviewers used the word "fate" when they talked about him. It made me wish I'd bet some money on the other team because fate rarely turns out how you expect it to.

However, when it comes to fate, you have to wonder if the people who chose the entrance music knew what was coming next? The Seattle Seahawks ran out to Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, while the Pittsburgh Steelers came out to the much more upbeat Right Here, Right Now by Fatboy Slim.

Their entrances followed a Motown tribute led by Stevie Wonder. With The Rolling Stones stealing the half-time gig, the legends of Motown had to make do with opening the game's proceedings in their home city of Detroit. Besides, did they even tell Stevie Wonder he was at The Superbowl? I bet they just told him it was Live Aid 3 and kept his fee.

What followed was a medley of classic hits by Motown greats. And Joss Stone. I think she was there so that middle-American kids didn't get too scared by all the old black people. If little old Joss can handle it, then they can take their Klan hat off for one day.

There was one surreal moment when Aretha Franklin was announced to the crowd and the cameras cut to Aaron Neville. "Wow, she's really let herself go" I thought before my brain kicked in properly. What followed was a version of the Star Spangled Banner that Bleeding Gums Murphy would have been proud of.

You have to feel sorry for the two Sky Sports commentators who had to keep plugging the interactive service. What they're basically saying is, "You can listen to the crap we're going to spout, or you can press red and choose Option 2 to listen to brilliant live ABC commentary by John Madden and Al Michaels." You can't tell me the entire UK audience didn't immediately press the red button.

The game itself was a bit of a let down - low scoring in the first half and not enough fight from the Seahawks once they went behind. If anything, the one thing that stood out was the number of mistakes and penalties that stopped the game really catching fire. Pretty much every time the Seahawks needed a big play they had a shot at it. But a flag on the play would bring them back to where they started, minus five or 10 more yards. The Steelers were also pretty sloppy and neither side played like the champions of their division.

As for the Rolling Stones' half time performance, well what is there to say? If you saw The Stones in the 1960s or 70s you must be disappointed with them these days. Mick Jagger tries his best to fill the stage in the same way he must have done back then but I came away thinking they wouldn't be worth the extortionate money it costs to see them live - hardly a great advert. They weren't terrible, just poor by their early standards.

There was one point where Jagger was running around the mouth-shaped stage that had been constructed in the middle of the pitch and it all got a bit Last of the Summer wine. "Oh, watch your step old man, he's going over the edge!" They should get him on there for a guest slot. I'd love to see him flying by in a bathtub with wheels singing Paint it Black.

Matt Chapman is available to write TV reviews.

Sou long

For some reason it's taken months to actually happen, but Graeme Souness' obvious sacking as Newcastle manager finally became a reality today. Let's face it, if the FA can finally get £5m-a-year Sven out the door, then Newcastle are almost obliged to push out the Scot.

Where did it all go wrong? It's not like Newcastle hired the first idiot who came along - they managed to avoid the disaster Terry Venables would have been, not to mention all those other out-of-work football managers. I mean, they're out of work for a reason.

The one shining light is that perhaps this has been just what the club needed. Martin O'Neill is now tipped to take over. Last time the job came up O'Neill was still out of management for personal reasons I won't go into. If Souness' holding role has given Newcastle enough time for O'Neill to be ready for a comeback then all the pain has been worth it. I mean, this man made regular cup winners out of an ordinary Leicester side and turned Celtic back into the kind of team they hadn't been for 10 years. Just imagine what he could do with the £50m Souness spunked on players in his short spell!

It's good to talk like a Time Lord

Having already nabbed every other voice-over ever, Tom Baker has now landed the gig to be the voice of BT's texting service. You type a text message into your mobile and send it to a landline, Tom belts it out with his trademark gravitas when they pick up the phone.

For some reason this reminds me of the time that fans of The King sent Elvis stamps to non-existent addresses, so the letters would come back "Return to Sender". Will Doctor Who fans use their hero’s new voice outlet to re-enact classic bouts of dialogue? Will it be possible to record a whole new Doctor Who script based on the 1974-1980 Doctor at a fraction of the cost it takes to get Baker out of bed?

Still, at least you'll be able to scare the bejeesus out of Doctor Who's latest chav companion Billie Piper. Just text her and let Baker ask "Do you like scary movies?" Now where's my little black book.




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