DVD: Vampire Assassins

Job Satisfaction

Everyone moans about their jobs. It's one of those sadly unalterable facts of life, like Peter Stringfellow or the Daily Mail. When I tell you I watch DVDs, get into advance film screenings and have my pick of fantasy novels each month you probably won't have much sympathy for me. However, while you just spent your weekend doing whatever the hell you chose, I spent it watching a *very bad* DVD and reading the latest Harry Potter.
First up was Vampire Assassins, which from the cover looks like a rip-off of Blade - so it had potential. However, it turned out to be the worst film I have seen since joining Dreamwatch last October (the previous winner was Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill). The only joy in Vampire Assassins came from innapropriately funny moments created by the awful character dialogue and a plot that jumps from place to place. I found myself making a game of it:
* How soon will the cop have to hand in his badge? Answer: 7 minutes
* Mental note to check IMDB to see if that white-haired guy was the oldest baddie henchman to appear in movie history.
* Worst crime: having characters who explain who they are and what they're doing?; or fight scenes without proper fighting?
Next up was J.K. Rowling's latest Harry Potter novel, which was so much like the previous books I expect to see pictures of JKR with a large cookie cutter in her hand. OK, so this was posted out to me for a prompt Saturday morning delivery on the first day of release, but there really is no such thing as a free lunch. Since we go to press today I had to get through the whole thing in two days ready to write up my thoughts in a few hours time. This enforced reading was as much fun as all those years I spent working in a factory, mindlessly packing things in boxes or doing lots of heavy lifting. And this is my dream job, which just goes to show you should be careful what you wish for... and proves my point that no matter how good your job is, you're still going to moan about it.