My name is Matt

Last night I made a young man very happy. No not like that!

For some reason I waited until 9.30pm when it had gone dark to go and draw £200 out of the cashpoint in Walthamstow. Perhaps I’ve got a subconscious death wish. Or maybe I’m just not used to leaving the house on weekends – it’s scary the amount of Monday mornings that I realise I haven’t been outside since I got home Friday night.

Already feeling a little nervous, I was slightly more freaked out when a mobile phone started ringing as I went past Walthamstow Library. It was just sitting on the wall, in the sort of spot where teenagers would hang out. I looked around to see if anyone was going to lay claim to it. My first thought sums up the naff nature of TV these days as I actually wondered if this was some kind of filmed prank.

Unfortunately, the phone rang off before I could answer it. So I stuck it in my pocket and headed to the cashpoint. Thankfully, I was able to extract funds without being mugged – the Daily Mail would be amazed! On the way back, just as I had passed the same spot at the library, it rang again.

"Hello. This is an odd question, but do you know who you’re ringing?"

"Yeah, this is my phone."

"Ahh, excellent. Are you still in Walthamstow? You left it on the wall next to the library. I’ll head back there and wait next to the toilets if you want to pick it up."

The next thing that went through my head was 'And so it was your Honour that I met the young man at the public toilets in Walthamstow...'

He showed up, looking a bit embarrassed for having left his phone in the first place. I hadn’t had a shave and there was a moment where he looked at me like I was a tramp who might want some kind of reward. But the lack of slurred speech as I handed it over and said "Here you go" and waived away his thanks with "No worries" probably helped and off he cycled.

I like to think that’s a little bit of Karma in the bank. I’m just trying to be a better person. My name is Matt.

Perfect summer chill out choon

Catching up on my emails and found one from Jane plugging Peter Bjorn and John's MySpace page.

The song that plays when the page opens is called Young Folks and it's a deliciously-light summery pop feast.

Contents May Be Hot You Moron

It seems the sue-everyone-for-ever-doing-anything culture has made it so even the humble press release is under threat. At least that's what I assume (making an ass of you and me) has led to the current trend for disclaimers.

Check this one out, which I copied from a games company press release. Can you spell overkill?

"The statements contained in this press release that are not historical facts may be “forward-looking statements” within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These forward-looking statements are based on current expectations, estimates and projections about the business of [insert business here]. and its subsidiaries (collectively referred to as “[insert business here]”), including, but not limited to, expectations and projections related to the current development projects at Paradigm Entertainment, and the integration of acquired assets, and are based upon management’s current beliefs and certain assumptions made by management. Such forward-looking statements are subject to risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements, including, but not limited to, business, competitive, economic, legal, political and technological factors affecting our industry, operations, markets, products or pricing. Readers should carefully review the risk factors and the information that could materially affect [insert business here]’s financial results, described in other documents that [insert business here] files from time to time with the Securities and Exchange Commission, including its Quarterly Reports on Form 10-Q and Annual Report on Form 10-K for the fiscal period ended March 31, 2006, and particularly the discussion of risk factors set forth therein. Unless otherwise required by law, [insert business here] disclaims any obligation to update its view on any such risks or uncertainties or to revise or publicly release the results of any revision to these forward-looking statements. Readers are cautioned not to place undue reliance on these forward-looking statements, which speak only as of the date of this press release."

It's hard enough to believe anything in a press release as it is, never mind whacking a great big disclaimer on it to really make you think twice.

SkyBabyRecords website fully loaded

The hard work updating my mate's musically-sound website is almost complete, as you can see by the announcement he sent out.

"It’s been in cryo for a while, but now it’s back (and has almost broke into a full Velociraptor-style sprint):
The SkyBabyRecords website
Expect audio clips from the back catalogue soon, but for now, Bookmark this, get caught up-to-date with the most recent 2006 news, and feel free to drop a ‘Hello’ from time to time.
Acoustic embraces,
PT x"

The site has been good to work on. Another string to a bow that's becoming more string than wood. To be honest, with all the other crazy stuff going on in my life I've needed something to focus on.

Next up is the job of getting some tunes uploaded to the SkyBabyRecords Myspace site, so we can get the PT bandwagon rolling.

Sand witch

I'm not quite sure what's going on today, but if I was paranoid I'd think I was the target of a conspiracy.

This morning I ordered two rounds of toast with marmalade. When I got to the office and unwrapped them it was two rounds of toast with Marmite.

OK, maybe we can put that one down to my ability to mumble.

Bit of a nightmare though, as when it comes to loving or hating Marmite I'm in the second group.

At lunch I went to a different sandwich shop.

"Ham sandwich with lettuce and cucumber on brown bread please."

"Brown bread?" the overly smiley woman repeats back to me.

"Yes," I say.

So imagine my surprise when I open the wrapping this time to find a ham, lettuce and cucumber sandwich on white bread.

Is someone trying to tell me I should make my own food?

Butt monkey

Zinedine Zidane, the last man in the French phone book, played an eventful final match in the World Cup. You have to remember that having retired from Real Madrid and having returned to the French side for one last tournament, this really was his final game of football. Which makes the headbutt incident that bit more strange.

So what exactly did Materazzi say to him? Well, according to a friend of a friend (and you know how reliable they are), here's the full transcript:

Zidane holds his shirt.
ZZ: "Ordinanza de tirare il costume!!" (stop pulling on my shirt!!)
MM": "Taciti, enculo, hai solamente cio che merite..." (shut up fucker, you only get what you deserve)
ZZ: "si e cio..." (yes, sure...)
While Zidane starts to move away, Materazzi says:
MM: "meritate tutti cio, voi gli enculato di musulmani, sporchi terroristici" (all of you deserve that, f*cking Muslims, terrorist bastards)

If that's true, perhaps Materazzi was lucky to get off without a full kicking.

Possibly the best press release in the world

Beer writers challenge media over lack of space and time for beer

The new Chairman of the British Guild of Beer Writers is freelance beer writer Tim Hampson.

He replaces Morning Advertiser Editor Andrew Pring who held the position for three years, following the organisation's AGM, held at the Brook Green Hotel in London.

Tim Hampson said:
"The Guild will challenge the myth held by many in the media that people in the UK do not want to read about beer.

Beer is our national drink - yet more media space and time is given to wine."

"My ambition as new Chairman of the Guild is to raise the profile of beer and beer writing in the UK and help people understand that beer has a far greater complexity of colours, aromas, tastes and styles than wine can ever have. Beer is a fabulous natural drink, made with wonderful raw materials.
The media applauds wine makers but now the time has come when we should celebrate the skill, science, craft and artistry of brewers who make the thousands of beers that so many of us enjoy."

"We will build a stronger dialogue with other groups promoting beer and we will be approaching BBPA, Cask Marque, CAMRA and the Beer Academy who are all trying to do similar things to us to discuss how we can add value to them and how they in turn can add value to us."

Poetic Justice

This video shouldn't make me happy but it does.